So hears the thing……. When I started to type this blog I accidently typed “so hears the thing” instead of “so here’s the thing”; then I smiled to myself! The topic of this blog is “be careful what you say you are listening!” so I am going to stick with my now deliberate typo 🙂 We all have an internal voice – this incessant commentary that goes on whether we like it or not. As you are reading this you may also be having a simultaneous conversation with yourself in your head. This often happens when you are listening to someone else, you might be hearing what they say but at the same time thinking “you are talking rubbish!”. When this happens which is the voice you pay most attention to? is it their voice or your internal voice? you already know the answer (you have probably just heard yourself say it), its YOUR voice. YOU are the most influential person that you ever listen to. Even when you say things to yourself you don’t want to hear, or that don’t serve you, the words still have a powerful impact on you because they come from you. The really important question is, how and why do we say what we do? which part of us dictates our internal voice – who writes the script? and perhaps most important of all, can we change it? The answer to the last part is a resounding YES, you can change what you say and how you say it – in fact you are the only person that can. No one else can do this for you. A good life coach or therapist can help you with this and show you various techniques that make it easier, perhaps using hypnosis, teaching you self hypnosis or autosuggestion, or by using some specific language patterns, but you have to actually put it into practice. Often when people go for coaching or some kind of talking therapy, they just want someone else to take the voice out of their head and make them feel better. They want to stop having certain thoughts that make them feel bad. A coach can’t do this for you (whatever they claim!) but a good coach can help you do it for yourself.  Teaching someone how to change their internal voice is the most empowering of all techniques, as what you say to yourself dictates how you feel and influences everything you do. When you have been hearing the same old rubbish for years, it can be difficult to accept that it can be changed, but try this simple exercise: in your head count slowly from 1 – 10. do it now before you read the next sentence. Good, now count from 1-10 but do it in a suggestive French accent (aka Rene Artois from Allo Allo) if you don’t want to choose a French accent choose another one but make it suggestive or seductive. Now do that again but this time miss out the number 7. you can do it just by paying attention to what you are saying; notice how you can not only change what you say but how you say it – and that in turn can change its meaning or value. We are told that words represent 30% or less of the meaning when it comes to communication, and that how the words are said is the most powerful element, that’s what we use to give the words their meaning. Try this; think of an insult someone once gave you that really hurt – and using the exact same words imagine they are being said to you by a cartoon character you remember from your childhood (Scooby Doo always works for me!). Say it a few times as if you were listening to this cartoon character saying it, notice how the sting is taken out of the words, it takes on a different meaning and changes how you feel when you hear it. You give it less value, and therefore the insult  loses its power. When someone insults you  that’s bad enough, but if you keep repeating the insult over and over again you are giving them the power to continue to hurt you long after the event. Someone once said to me “if you let someone hurt you once it’s their fault, if you let them continue hurting you (whether your still with them or not) then it’s your fault”. That’s powerfully accurate isn’t it! I wonder if you can relate to that?
Whatever therapy I am using, whether its TFT (Thought Field Therapy) to eliminate an anxiety or fear, working with weight loss clients who want and need more “will power” (see my earlier blog on this subject!) or just working with a life coaching client who wants and needs more focus and help making some decisions, there’s no one who doesn’t benefit from mastering the fundamental skill of taking control of their inner voice. Every time you tell yourself you can, or can’t do something, you are inadvertently using THE most powerful form of self hypnosis. So – you can either let your internal voice just play out randomly, churning out the same old stuff that has stopped you achieving your full potential, or, you can change how you speak and what you say. In my next blog I will be chatting some more about how to change what you say and how you say it, so watch this space for some more top tips – and be careful what you say – you are listening!

My next 2 TFT courses are coming up in Rugby on April 20/21st and Glasgow May 4/5th so if you want to learn how to use this amazingly simple therapy to eliminate a range of anxieties fears or phobias, or just to stop self sabotaging, then come along and have 2 days of treatment and go away with a skill set that can literally change your life. Check out my website for video clips and a brochure.